A roller coaster week.

Well, maybe I'm not going to be so good at this. I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted, but that's okay...I'll just do what I can.

This week has been a complete roller coaster. Last Saturday was not a great day for me. First off, we found that the insulation in our ceiling is wet and mold is starting to grow. I was really, really worried, naturally, but tried to just bring it to the Lord. On top of that, we were reading through some paperwork for our adoption and one of the bullet points stated that they will cancel your adoption if you get pregnant. This was different than what Children of the Promise had said, so I was really, really heart broken, since we hope to get pregnant soon, but want to adopt at the same time.

On Wednesday we had our insulation dudes come out to look at our ceiling. My biggest fear was that they were going to look at it and say it was just fine, not wanting to own up to the problem. We knew it wasn't a roof leak, that it was just bad condensation with a bad system, but weren't sure that they would want to take care of it. Well...they were pretty horrified by how damp it was and when we took down some of the baffling, saw that there was a lot more mold than we were thinking. Ugghh... well, today they are working at taking it all down and although it's a big mess, I'm just thankful to have it taken out. Now we just need to figure out what we will do next. I'm not feeling very confident in doing a similar system again. I don't want to have to do this again in the future.

As far as the adoption goes, I talked with our coordinator yesterday and she said she was okay with us working toward getting pregnant and that they wouldn't cancel the adoption even if we were successful. This too was awesome news! I've been on cloud nine ever since!!! We still have a lot of paperwork to do, but we are getting closer. It's been funny, cause as we've gone down this road of infertility and miscarriages, I've had many, many dreams about having children. Though I wasn't laughing in the dream, it's kinda funny, cause my dreams almost always had to do with me forgetting to feed and/or diaper my baby. Like I'd get to the end of the day and realize I was a mom and hadn't breastfed my baby all day. It was awful! Well, my dreams almost always had a little girl with blond curly hair. Recently, though they've changed to having a little dark skinned boy. Needless to say, I was pretty sad when I thought we might have to delay our adoption stuff. I can't wait to get to hold the little boy in my dreams! :o)

The house!

Right now I am cuddled up in our little trailer after having spent most of the day running errands and working on the house we are building. God has blessed us with so many things, but as usual, those blessings don't come without a lot of work. I have such mixed feelings about our soon-to-be-home. Mostly I just absolutely love it! I'm so excited to get to move in and enjoy our property. It's been a true labor of love as we've spent 3 years pouring over plans, designing and re-designing it over and over again. And here we are mid project. So, while most of the time I feel the immensity of the blessing, there are times when I feel shame over it. It's too big! It's too nice! I find myself embarassed over it because I totally don't deserve it. And all that's true, but I do think God led us here and I think it's okay for us to have this house, which is really His. That said, I don't think he wants us to hoard it. I think he wants us to use it as a tool to reach out to others, both Christian and non-Christian. Also, I know I need to be prepared to leave it behind at a moment's notice should he call us elsewhere. I'd like to think I could walk away without looking back, as Lot's wife was unable to do. It'd certainly be hard, because I really do love it here - my own little paradise. Yet, when God calls, I want to follow without hesitation.

As I mentioned I am so excited to move in! In the beginning of the construction I felt things were going by too quickly, like I couldn't quite soak in all the excitement and I wanted things to slow down so I could enjoy them more. Now as we are in a phase of the project where we are doing a lot more of the work, the stress has increased a ton and I'm just ready to be done with it. I think what I don't like is how all-consuming it has become. And it's just a house. It's not really that important. I have to remember it's just a season. I think I just miss certain things...mostly my husband. I miss having normal conversations with him that don't revolve around the house. I miss our long walks that we'd take together. I miss getting to go on dates. We've done some of those things during this whole process, but it's never completely guilt-free. Like we always have in the fore-front of our minds that we really should be finishing up the electrical, or wrap up washing the logs (ugghh!), there's always a million things to do! I look forward to things getting back to normal. When I start to feeling overwhelmed and tired I need to remember what a blessing it is to even get to build during these tumultuous economic times. To know that these small things that are frustrating truly are blessings. May I never forget the blessings God has given to me, in this home, but mostly in Dan. That's one thing that this whole process has shown me. I've seen afresh the amazing, hard working, wonderful husband God has given me. But that's for another post. For now, I'm turning in. It's late!

Starting a blog

I feel God has brought me through so many things, especially in these last few years, and while I'm so incredibly busy right now, I'd like to remember the details of his faithfulness to me. So here we go...And here's to hoping my next post won't be in 3 months!

I've contemplated starting a blog for awhile. Not necessarily for anyone else, just for me. But where would it go? To what purpose? Today I was finishing up reading the Old Testament and came across a section entitled "The Book of Remembrance" and thought what a nice idea that is. Here is what it says:
"Then those who feared the Lord spoke with one another. The Lord paid attention and heard them, and a book of remembrance was written before him of those who feared the Lord and esteemed his name. They shall be mine, says the Lord of hosts, in the day when I make up my treasured possession..."
I want to be His! And I want to remember him always, not just for myself, but I want to share it with others. So...here we go!
Now it's off to work and I'll try and post soon about the big areas of my life: finish building and working on our adoption. Big things are going on in the Stuart household!